washing dishes: a father’s glimpses

I borrowed 12 Rules for Life: an antidote to chaos by Jordan Peterson (published in 2018 by Penguin Random House) from the library yesterday morning, months after a friend recommended Peterson and his storytelling and writing. In the first hours of reading as I jumped across chapters and sections and therefore rules, I found this paragraph noteworthy:

The psyche (the soul) and the world are both organized, at the highest levels of human existence, with language, through communication. Things are not as they appear when the outcome has been neither intended nor desired…. When something goes wrong, even perception itself must be questioned, along with evaluation, thought and action. When error announces itself, undifferentiated chaos is at hand…. Clarity of thought–courageous clarity of thought–is necessary to call it forth. (pg 279) (emphasis added)

I’ve been toggling on the reality/perception loop as I consider what is happening in the micro (my life) and the macro (the world) since they drip and evaporate into each other, overlapping and sometimes undermining each other all the while maintaining some separation but contagious to the other.

Later he writes how:

Precision specifies. When something terrible happens, it is precision that separates the unique terrible thing that has actually happened from all the other, equally terrible things that might have happened–but did not…. Precision may leave the tragedy intact, but it chases away the ghouls and the demons.” (pg 280) (bold added)

As a beginner in aikido, two tenets that I am learning are precision and connection, specifically how I learn to sustain each of these qualities in my life, relationships, and actions after decades of abrupt disconnection and my reluctance to make direct requests, hesitation, and squirming under some pressures. Now, I am learning how else to heed clues and guidance from physical bodies, both mine and other people, of strangers, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. I am noting how the location of where to hold, grab, twist, shuffle affects touch and impact. I am learning the fundamental need to learn how to roll safely, with enough precision to not harm myself and how to twist a wrist, arm, shoulder so as to not injure.

These actions are ways how I am learning to be more action-oriented and less logical, less mired in endless thoughts swirling within my head (falsely) detaching me from the world just beyond my skin. I am learning to be impulsive and heed intuition, both mine and other’s.

But even what is terrible in actuality often pales in significance compared to what is terrible in imagination.

This is an apt description of how anticipatory dread is oftentimes more immense than the actual thing that occurs. This anticipation is one redundant anxiety loop. And a reminder to go ahead and embark into the challenging experience rather than equivocate and hesitate as this prolongs the exaggerated dread. To plunge into what might feel like chilly water rather than hesitate, dip a toe in only to retreat and hesitate.

In closing the Rule 10 chapter, there are 3 precise things that Peterson names:

• This exact, precise thing–that is what is making me unhappy.
• This exact, precise thing– that is what I want, as an alternative (although I am open to suggestions, if they are specific).
• This exact, precise thing–that is what you could deliver, so that I will stop making your life and mine miserable.

So, the equation of 3 precise things = making unhappy + alternative + deliver

Followed by, “But to do that, you have to think: What is wrong, exactly?? What do I want, exactly? You must speak forthrightly and call forthe habitable world from chaos. You must use precise speech to do that.” (pg 282)