A decade ago, I used to delight when men would approach my bull terrier dog, Karim, as they’d drop much of the social norms that men and boys have internalized in this brutal world: stand-offish, indifferent, playing it cool, not being sweet or jovial. Not letting glee exude from their facial expressions or throughout their body. That denial of life and fun is one way that patriarchy crushes the souls of men (and boys), for sure.
I was reminded of this regular occurrence from my mid-30s this week as multiple men, strangers, told me how much they liked my stone-colored vest. Again and again, they would come out of the blue, compelled by this rescue dog beaming with life, bristling with mischief.
These quick exchanges took me back to the interactions on the street, in parks and parking lots, a car dealership, where men would approach, sometimes crossing the street to get near to us. One, big difference, between now and then, is they aren’t asking if they can pet my vest the way that they would ask if they could pet Karim. Sometimes, men would not even ask if it was okay/safe to pet Karim, as they were swept up in so much emotion that they moved their feet to be close enough to touch him. Typical constructs of spatial distance between two adults be damned. Most of the time, I believed that they could tell that Karim was safe to approach, but there were occasions where the person seemed oblivious to the growl, snarl or bite. They reminded me that there could be a few steps or few minutes without fear.
I was lucky to know Karim, who gave me new insights on men and their shapes, and how easily we can come out of our shells with the right prompt or stimuli.
washing dishes: a father’s glimpses 