For five nights now, the children and I sat in a circle so we could speak the evening affirmations just before bedtime. It’s a call-and-response, in the best way possible, as they learn the cadence of
in/spir/a/tion/al’s 5 syllables. On Sunday, I marveled that we did all three rounds in 2 minutes. Our moods and sense of connection was strong. We felt aligned, seen, and some high, honorable form of mimicry.
The practice is transmuting how and what I feel inside: how we are together; how I simultaneously feel loved and loving. We spent some time during breakfast yesterday talking about being centered, at one point someone describing being centered like the clay on a pottery wheel.
It’s taken me more than a year since I watched Shaka Senghor and Ebony Roberts describe a simple and profound practice with their son in a presentation on co-parenting as allies not adversaries from a TEDx in Detroit from November 2019. As I listened, I began to imagine new possibilities for us so we could have our own version at home. That was in late 2023 or early 2024. When I finally told the kids last week, in the final days of [illegal] Black History Month, that there was something new for us to do together before bedtime, S was enthusiastic, reminding me before bed, “what about the new thing?”
I had brainstormed a long list of a few dozen adjectives:
enduring * wise * loving * generous * fabulous * intense * enthralling * cute * astute * magnanimous * immense * sweet * compassionate * observant * strong * supportive * omniscient * daring * hilarious * uproarious * amenable * bold * nimble * pliable * discerning * stellar * cherished * evocative * profound * delightful * immersive * animated
And, went back and picked 15 words for us so that every night before the last hug of the day we repeat these truths. Enough for us to memorize this season. The 15 words are likely to change as they stale or no longer stick, as new ideas and senses of who we are arise. As bell hooks wrote in Teaching Community: a pedagogy of hope, “Speaking aloud daily affirmations to change long-imprinted, toxic messages is a useful strategy for cleansing the mind.” [page 38]
washing dishes: a father’s glimpses 